Thursday, April 23, 2009


OK so I am trying to think, to rack my brain, to wrap around the idea of modern beauty. What is modern beauty? Sure there are so many definitions but there is a common denominator in all of it. And that is a woman's weight. Why does our culture put such an emphasis on a ladies' waist size and not a man's. Yes men's weight come into play at times. Yes women are not the only ones being picked on. But they do get singled out in most situations. And it is sickening. I am not thin. I am not happy. I can not help but to think that those two are some how inextricably connected. You see even these mundane thoughts such as, “do these pants make my butt look big?”, enter my head. Of all people, as a reader you rely on your writer to provide accounts so furtively accurate without being too informal; that when I crack you crack with me. I guess I expect that. Is that expecting too much?
Here is the best poem I have ever written; the best literature I have ever written:

If I were a bird and more potently loved.
Well I'd still be a bird, unwillingly gloved.
Taken small steps, one at a time.
Pass an old man passing his prime.
To kill is to end, to end is to fake
The morosely endeavored high of mistake.

I am still so young, but I feel so worn out.
Borrowed and weathered and filtered throughout.
I have scratches and bruises and scars; all within.
Demonstrably used, a willing chagrin.
My feet, they are sore and cracked at the seams.
I seem to have lost my callous regimes.

If I were a dog, they'd call me beat down.
Watch as I walk and revive this ghost town.
Reluctantly bear this garbage-like throne.
Maniacally twisting this pain to postpone
The feeling of worthlessness and this charade
Of thriving and bribing what we once portrayed.

I am still so barren, emotionally dead.
Talk in a voice devoid of my head.
Constantly moving, don't blink until dawn.
Feeling this feeling of feeling withdrawn.
You look and you taste as if I were here.
Is it possible now that I am what I fear?

in opportune times, I seek and will find
the omnipotent one, savior of mankind.

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