blood banger

mom why do u leave
whenever u first wake?
sleep the days away
pound my heart with stakes


im dying can't u see
for yr love and yr time
for u id never eat again
for u id die thru rhyme


u push me into puddles
u push me into fear
yr lost in yr own misery
my cries u cannot hear


i hear u say at night
in yr room alone
"this life i have created
has worn me to the bone"

u seek yr love thru men
who only stay one night
and wait until the morning
disappear into the light

i have taken to yr habits
their substance i too crave
men don't love me more than once
to their attention i am a slave

i cry all the time
just to feel like we are one
for a period connected
then my seams they come undone

i live for yr affection
the thing i cannot get
no matter how much i pray
to u my love's a threat

mom u are a child
badly raising three
i wonder if i disappeared
u would start to see

how lovely are these bones
but torn the clothes they wear
sicker every day
emotions, raw and bare



i have to get away
u make me hate myself
im a book u'll never read:
melted candle on yr shelf.

whore

i am the hate

u feel me with
every goddamn day


i am the love
u seem to miss

to u i am just prey


u better ship me, shape me up
shake me till im loose

fake me, fuck me, face me, for me
u help tighten the noose


im a fucking whore u said,
"useless yet adored

yr fucking father loved u more
to him u were his whore."


"he loved u every night u see
when u two were alone

i left u there, i didn't care
the drugs made me a drone."


my mother sliced me up
stuck me in a drawer
made me hurt till i woke
my bark became a roar.

barbitch-u-ates

i am too proud
my pride it kills
ever lasting
lucid
ills

lips stained red
junk filled car
take me home
or to
the bar




she said i do not care
i said neither do i
yr haunting figure and shaken hands
mean everything's a lie

nobody likes a poor girl

i'll always have these scars
but these pills and bottles
plils and btotles
pills and bottles and bars

are here to help me starve



smell the smell of rotting flesh
dontcha smell it ma
iv fallen deep this time you see
rewrite unwritten law



spit on me
that's fine you see
i dont give a shit

just dont say you will
and not intend
to follow through with it

my hate is love
my love is hate
it's all the same most days

fever ridden
world i dont fit in
leaves me in a daze.

tall one

ode to the erratic
static
in my head:

tall tales of humans blushing
hungry human fed

master in economY
master
in yr bed

master things that follow me
master
as master said


feel blood rush
to yr
face

as the sun will rise

feel self-hate
pump
through yr veins

yr morals, u compromised

cognition and behavior
the two i cannot link
how/why i act out
i seldom first to think

willow

daddy
danger
us

make me feel much good

ma
goth
ica

american i stood



beneath yr light, yr winded kite
yr loving touch and fame
mighty lash and heavy thrash
will never make me sane




gudamned love
my gun-downed love

anger has me now

feel me, fake it
yr sighs won't make
it

i am the cat's meow

comarada

dead:
be gone
yr sacred song

mark me down for life

anger
driven
world we live in

end it with a knife



"that's not me", she said
i said, "yes well you know. ."

yr shaken feet and tilted head
say all marks are a go.